I was hoping to wake to a post or pm from you
I'm sure it's not going to be the best of mornings for you, but you don't yet see all the power that you hold in your palm in this very moment. Getting out of your ex's house may very well be what is healthiest for you. You're 40 something not 80 something this is not the end of the road friend
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Let all of us help you. In my observation you are completely frozen in fear. Fear of staying, leaving, success, failure. I get this, but standing still will only cement you. I don't want to sound like a tough lover because I know that shuts you down.... But you do have options.
Talk to your employer, call your dad, check out the link someone posted on rehabs in Baltimore.
It doesn't really matter what city or state you're in.... It matters what state your mind is in. There are so many of us on here who care about you. You did 70 days this spring/summer and I know you felt great. Lets get you back there. It's time to drudge through all this pain you've built your walls around. You know you can always reach out to me, to be a positive cheerleader
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Stop leaving in fear. You're missing out on the world and the world is really missing out in you!!