BookNerd, I think the issue is much deeper and bigger than whether you get to use your (oops, HIS) tools or not, and whether dealing with his tantrums if you build a sandbox are worth it.
His behavior, plain and simple, is abusive. If you haven't read the sticky at the top of the Friends and Families page, I'd recommend it. It's "What is Abuse?", written by English Garden. I posted my story there.
You are not able to live your life as you want to, and as you need to because of his intervention. You are not able to take care of your children the way you want - i.e., build them a sandbox.
You are not able to go on family outings because he throws tantrums and spoils them.
You do not have money for tools and are dead broke. Is that because he spend the money on alcohol and drugs? Is it because he isn't working enough?
You are FORBIDDEN to buy your own tools. That is abuse.
What part of this life is allowing to be your own person, an adult who gets to make her own choices and live without the controlling presence of a man who does nothing and demands everything?
This is very deep into co-dependence and a very common reaction of an abused person. I see myself in what you have written.
Do you go to Alanon? Or to therapy? It may be time to reframe the questions you are asking. The exchange about tools here is more of a smoke screen for the dynamics of the relationship and its deficiencies than it is about how to get a hammer to make a sandbox.
I'd say read as much as you can about alcoholism and its progressive nature. And read about abuse and control by spouses. And read about the effects of alcohol and abuse on kids.
You are welcome here, and for me, when I came, deep in a fog with no comprehension of what my abusive alcoholic husband was doing to me, SR gave me incredible support and shared their wisdom, and finally the light came on and I saw what was happening to me.
ShootingStar1