Originally Posted by
Wisconsin 
My AH is like that, too, although not as aggressive about it. In my AH's case, I think it's because whenever I so much as open his toolbox to look for a screwdriver to fix something, he looks at it as a criticism that he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing. I'm not saying it's rational. But I suspect that's what's behind it.
That makes sense. He probably is looking at it as a criticism when I offer to do things because he knows most of it is stuff he should have done a long time ago. But, I still don't get the irrational way he deals with it - getting furious and not letting me do it. Why doesn't he just do the things himself then? The way his mind works gets more and more confusing to me as the years go on...
Originally Posted by
dandylion BookNerd, I agree with Wisconsin---it is probably felt, by him, to be criticism. He probably knows, down deep, that he is not living up to his rightful responsibilitues. His ego may also be involved in his building skills--so that is another layer of "insult" to him.
I think you right, dandylion. I guess his ego is connected to building projects in particular because he does woodworking as a side business. But again, if this is so, why doesn't he complete a project now and then?
Originally Posted by
CarryOn My guess is that you (or anyone else) doing the work he should be doing is a reminder of his inability to accomplish the task, which in turn makes him feel worse about who he is or what he is doing. It has nothing to do with you.
Do you have a friend or family member that has the tools and could help you complete your projects? He probably won't like that either, but a sandbox or play set for the kids isn't about him.
They are pretty useless when they are active. My RAH wants us to go to an orchard this weekend & brought up one we went to a few years ago thinking we went last year. I told him that I went by myself last year because he wanted to stay home to watch football & drink beer. It's so sad to see what they miss out on...and can't remember.
I bet my dad would help me build a sandbox, but oh boy, I could only imagine the monster that would appear when my husband found out. Not only because I went behind his back to make the sandbox, but because he hates my dad! How stupid that I have to worry about this sort of drama. All I want is for my little kids to have a sandbox before they're too old to enjoy it! It has nothing to do with him whatsoever but somehow he will have to turn it into a thing about him.
Carryon, I feel you about the orchard...my husband used to do things like that with the family, but no longer. As his addictions have progressed the past couple of years all that has stopped. We did go for a picnic last year for our son's 4th birthday, and my husband sat off to the side sulking the whole time, refused to eat even a cupcake, brought the whole party down. Now, if the kids go somewhere it is without him. Yeah, he misses out on so much and isn't even aware. He thinks that sitting in the basement intoxicated watching movies is "living." It's sad.