I believe addiction is like a disease when a person is in active addiction; there is loss of ability to make rational decisions regarding their health and welfare because thought processes are altered, and drug use is viewed as necessary for survival. Denial is a symptom of addiction and works to prevent the person from seeking medical help. Because addiction is a disease of the mind, I believe it needs to be treated by professionals in most cases, under doctors supervision.
As a wife, I believe it is my responsibility to make ample attempt to get my husband the proper medical care needed. The best medical care for him specifically. I feel its also my responsibility to educate myself on addiction, all aspects including treatment - just as I would do if he was suffering from cancer, or any other life threatening medical problem.
The success of getting someone into treatment varies of course, and some of it depends on what drugs are being used, how far addiction has advanced. This is why it is recommended by National Institute of Drug Abuse that people receive treatment as soon as possible. IT is a myth that addicts need to hit rock bottom, it is also a myth that forced treatment is not effective.
From National Institute of Drug Abuse:
People with untreated addictions frequently say that there is nothing wrong with them; they falsely believe that they can control their drug or alcohol use. They strongly resist the notion that they need treatment, even when family members or friends believe otherwise. That's why it may be tempting to take a hands-off approach to the problem, hoping that your relative or friend's drug or alcohol problem will just go away - that he or she is just going through a phase and will get better with time. Or you may decide that treatment won't help because your addicted friend or relative doesn't want to make a change. But both of these beliefs are myths that can lead to a more severe addiction and to greater family disruption.
Addiction is a progressive disorder -it gets worse over time. The sooner a person receives treatment for addiction, the greater the chances for long-term recovery. Further, experts know that forced, or mandated, treatment can be successful. In fact, most people receiving treatment for addiction are getting help because they were forced into it by family or friends, employers or the criminal justice system.
In addition, there are non-confrontational methods of intervention, such as CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training) when done properly, are proven to have an approximate 67% success rate at getting people into treatment.
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So we get as many chances at this as we wish to take in helping our spouse enter treatment and find recovery. Having said all that, I do believe in the oxygen mask rule. We have to take care of ourselves first, or we wont be able to help anyone else. We also have a responsibility to protect our children, and I believe our addicted spouse (if in a right mind) would agree this also comes first. So in the end, its a balancing act, just as it is for other families who deal with chronic illness.
A lot of this also depends on the stage of addiction, symptoms in early addiction are typically less severe than in advanced addiction from what I understand.
My husband was never violent, or running around the house screaming and causing turmoil, I never even saw him using. He maintained his career, provided for his family, paid his bills. He also lied, spent a lot of money, stayed out late with his friends getting high. He never got to the stage of addiction many people have depicted in their posts. My husband went into treatment without much argument finally. He wanted to get better, he wanted to be a good father to our son, he wanted to be a good husband, he wanted to progress in his career (his words). He doesn’t want to relapse, and has worked very hard these past 17 months to strengthen himself against it.
So I also think when attempts at recovery happen, as a wife, if I wish to continue the relationship, then I need to support his recovery just as I would support his recovery from any other illness. Yes there are sacrifices, and there is discomfort, and sometimes giving more than you get, and for me that was ok – it is what I would have done if he had any other kind of illness and was in recovery. I didn’t feel addiction should be split apart from what I would offer him in terms of my support.
In your post, yes I agree – if your husband had posted things he had been doing for you and it was assumed it was because you were an addict, I think he would have been told by some: he was codependent, and he was enabling you (even during recovery), you were using him, and on and on. But if he posted and said it was because of a pregnancy then well ok, he is doing great and its his place to do those things. This is of course my opinion only. There is a different view to addiction, and there is stigma attached unfortunately.