Originally Posted by
MrGhost 
If you're drinking that much to black yourself out, there is a piece in us that no longer cares what happens next. But fortunately, that type of thinking can be turned around, especially the more you rid yourself of the alcohol.
It was not that I did not care. I wish it was that easy. It was way more than that. Once I had one drink all of the thinking that should have told me that I had enough, that I may have a black out, that I was already drunk were not there.
Either my switch is broken or it was never there. I am an alcoholic. The craving for more alcohol was the mission. It was not that I pushed the thoughts aside, they were not there to begin with. It was only after many years did I at least remove myself from the equation, isolation, was my way of getting around the blackout remorse or the pain of trying to remember. I was home, alone, so it did not matter if I blacked out. I never went looking for it though.
I drank for 26 years. I reached out to AA for help and I am now six months sober.