Hi Onenight
You describing how your husband is treating you and your pregnancy sounds just like the way my AH treated me during my pregnancies. They are good guys with bad habits, to stick it out for bad or worse is entirely up to you. I hope that in your case things will improve. My AH moved on from cocaine onto Meth and he was using all through my second pregnancy (whilst being kind and taking care of me etc.) and I did not even know, he was still using. I really sincerely hope that things turn out differently for you and your husband. In the end of the day I asked myself what obligation is more important my obligation to my husband and my marriage vows or the obligation that I have to provide a stable and secure home to my children. I chose to stay obligated to my kids because unlike him they have got no choice in the matter they are just innocent bystanders. If my husband seeks help and really wants to get himself sober and healthy then I will support him in that without of course enabling him thus I am still obligated to my marriage vows I am there for him in his bad times. The only times that I cannot be there for him is when he choses to stay in active addiction and when the safety of me and my children are being threatened. Then I cannot support him at all, keep in mind also that addiction is a progressive disease in many instances it gets worse over time when the A does not want treatment or is not seeking treatment.
I think my role is to be a good mom and take care of my kids first and then to be a supporting wife when my AH is in Active recovery. If my AH was a diabetic and not seeking treatment and deliberately stuffing himself with sugar etc. then I would most likely also have detached because it becomes too painful to watch a loved one killing themselves. But if he got treatment and was actively looking for ways to control his diabetes by diet, exercise and medicine I would support him all the way. Personally I think addiction is a self inflicted illness and only the sick person can control the outcome of the illness.
A