DragynLady

If you want to compare addiction to a disease, understand that it is an infectious disease.

Suppose, for a moment, that your spouse has contracted a virulent, terminal disease that is contagious. Something viral. This spouse is refusing to go to the hospital for treatment, instead believing that they can beat it on their own, and use "natural" remedies, or perhaps they don't even believe they're really sick.

Are you, as their spouse, bound by those vows to stay in a house with someone who can infect you with that disease? Even though they refuse help, do you have to let them kill you, too? What about your children?

I love my husband deeply. I believe whole-heartedly in my marriage vows. But my vows said I will have and hold him, through sickness and health... not that I would live with him and sacrifice my own sanity and health no matter what.

I have to protect myself. I can't take care of him if I am fighting my own issues caused by his addictions. And more than that, I have two small children, who rely on their parents. When his actions endanger them (be they through drug abuse, alcoholism, or infectious viral disease) I have to protect THEM first.

Addiction IS an infectious disease. If I continue to allow my husband to expose my children to it, they could catch it. The insanity it causes is absolutely contagious, as every single soul here well knows... otherwise, why would we need SR at all?

I do not have to accept insanity and disease to be true to my love, my marriage, and my vows. My vows said nothing about "accept everything he gives you, no matter how unearned or cruel it may be."