I personally have been dealing with addiction as a disease. I personally have been lied to countless times, stolen from and financially abused.
I view marriage as a choice to who you are spending your life with. The person you love and want to be with. Love as an action in my definition. I can love him without paying for it. I don't have to give him money.. in exchange for him to love me. It should be a two way street... or the door swings both ways.
If he cannot take care of the children or act responsibly then simply.. he cannot. If he cannot stop stealing our things because of his sickness then (in my opinion) needs to go live somewhere else. I think I entered into marriage as an agreement. That he would love and cherish me (as an action not only a feeling). He cannot do these things because of his disease while he's in active addiction. I also have a hard time being able to show love because i'm angry that my stuff is being stolen and that he cannot be trustworthy.
So, in my opinion... if someone chooses not to get help for their disease (when help is out there) then they abandoned the marriage first. They are therefore not honoring their vows. Love is not selfish... and if their addiction is hurting you.. they are not fulfilling their vows.
Addiction is a disease... that will kill the family unit because of it's selfishness. It's inability to allow the user to love their families. The addicted ... because of their disease will lose their families if they do not seek help.
I am personally waiting for my AH to be released from jail Nov. 13th and then hopefully he will be getting into a 14+ month faith based treatment program.. where he will be living.
I am still trying to work our family out together. The only danger to me and the kids is future financial abuse if he ever relapses. I also have had to seek help in dealing with my feeling. I am trying to keep our marriage alive.. but addiction has the power to destroy good things if help isn't found. IN MY OWN OPINION.
I would like to add - I lived with my addicted husband until the stealing started. I dealt with the cold shoulders, the sickness, the bad moods, the neglect. I handled it. Then, I couldn't take it anymore. Something snapped. I don't regret throwing him out the first time. After 8 months of him doing God knows what.. he finally asked for help.