someoneswife

So I just posted last night about how well I've been doing in the 5 days since my husband has been home. I obviously should have knocked on wood when I said that. So this morning when I woke up my husband was out running and I was all alone. All alone with my crazy Codie thoughts. So I started going through his phone. I didn't find anything alarming but right away that set off my urge to search all his things. I reached out to my sponsor and told her I was struggling. He's been great since he got home. Not giving me any reason to search. So why did I? This was about me. My sick thinking. When he got back from his run I went off on him. Crying about how I didn't trust him and this was his fault and blah blah blah. I told him I searched his things. He hugged me, looked me right in the eyes and asked if I needed to go to a meeting today. Something very comical about my addict husband asking if I needed a meeting. Shouldn't it be the other way around? My sponsor echoed his idea and so off to al anon I went. It was a new meeting I've never been to and it was just what I needed. The topic was the first step. Boy did I need to hear about that today! I think my higher power spoke to me through my husband this morning. It was a revaluation in two ways. First that my behavior in searching his things was no better than his deceptiveness when he was using, talk about an eye opener. Secondly I've struggled with finding compassion for my husband but the compassion in his eyes this morning for what I was going through, even knowing I invaded his privacy, was earth moving. So I'm back on path. Grateful that I went a little crazy this morning because in the end I learned a valuable lesson.