JJJ, until I found meetings and my own recovery program, I found that my well-being was directly related to my son's. When he did well, I did well, when he relapsed, I relapsed and became miserable and afraid for him.
I knew my recovery was kicking in and that all my work had been worthwhile when I remained "okay" no matter how my son was.
I cannot say how much meetings and learning to work those 12 Steps of recovery helped me, and so many here, find our balance and learn to live healthy, happy, peaceful lives. Maybe give them a try.
Lily, my son managed to cash in groceries, absolute staples like milk and butter and bread...to buy drugs. Don't feel guilty. What I learned was to give what I felt comfortable giving for things like food and basic toiletries or gloves, scarf and hat in winter when he lived on the street...and if he chose to sell them well ain't that a shame but at least he had a shot of eating and staying warm.
Hugs