Audrey,
I know there are many people on this board who will give you greater help than I, but let me offer you this. If you have to "believe" you have a normal relationship remember that if you did you would not be thinking about it at all. It is very easy to go along to get along, but it is never good. Decide what YOU want to do and then put the pieces in place to do it.
It may be a while before you can , or perhaps you can do it now but the important part is to have the plan. Also if you find it hard to be true to yourself, look at your children. You will be true to them.....good lick