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Hello, I'm a 34 year old male and have recently had a public breakdown at my work. My mom was married to my step-father from the time I was 6 until I graduated. Throughout the marriage he started slipping deeper and deeper into alcoholism. From what I have read, he could be described as a high-functioning alcoholic. The way he treated my mom and myself was so bad that she eventually divorced him. I didn't speak with him for about two years, but eventually got reconnected with him. Long story short, I got hired on to the same company as him in 1999. I noticed how bad he treated people, especially myself, and have always been somewhat stand-offish with him throughout the years. His attitude and behavior got worse and worse with his family, but his friends (mostly drinkers) and co-workers think he's "a fun guy." About a month ago he screamed and cussed me out in front of our boss (who's a very nice man, but ineffectual when it comes to discipline) and walked away ignoring like he would usually do. This time, however, I snapped. I felt a rush of negative feelings for being around this person for nearly 30 years and I followed him to the office and told him I would beat the hell out of him if he ever talked to me like that again. He started acting like a victim, asking people in the office what my problem was and if they were hearing this ect...I followed him out of the office to try and talk to him but he shouted that I was "deranged" and that "I wasn't even his real son." I had a bit of a breakdown to my boss and quit my job of nearly 15 years the next day. The problem is, I can't shake my feelings of how much I hate him right now. This incident makes me remember things from the past and how he treated my mom and I. I feel emotionally crippled. I've had anxiety attacks in the past and I'm horrible at maintaining relationships. The more I start to read about this, the more I start to think my problems are rooted in growing up with an emotionally abusive alcoholic. Since I'm unemployed currently, I can't run out and spend money talking to a therapist which is something I've considered for many years. I would like to hear from people that aren't family or friends. I'm in a state of mind right now where nothing is really interesting or fun anymore and I can't help shake thoughts and memories about how bad it was growing up around this person. It's hard to talk about this, but I feel like I need to talk about it with someone or I'm going to be a wreck. Deep down, I've always been a funny, sensitive person but I feel like this person has ruined me at this point in my life. If anyone has any points of view about this, I would really love to hear...