My bottom was not about how much I drank or what I drank. My bottom was the absolute unrelenting disgust, misery, depression, fear and anxiety mixed up in an ugly package of self loathing. I honestly didn't think it was possible to hate someone as much as I hated myself.
I don't think this thinking you're having has anything at all to do with your mom and what she gets or doesn't get. This is about you.
No disrespect meant. I'm kind of blunt sometimes.