I can relate to those days. Sometimes I find that I can't decipher which is reality. How could all of that craziness really have happened? Surely I must still be married to XAW and I am the crazy one, imagining all that has happened. It's like my mind developed a "tick". Like its a needle skipping on a record that just can't quite get to the next song. I KNOW what reality is but there's a part of my brain that says it isn't. I have to keep myself calm, trust what I know IS reality, sometimes go through the timeline of "evidence" that I know to be true.
When I was still married to her, in the peak of the chaos, none of it seemed real, but I was in survival mode and it really didn't matter what happened, I just had to cope with it and wait for the next thing to happen. Now that we're divorced and I am out of the madness, the thoughts have time to blossom. Thankfully they never seem to last too long. When they do come I know I have more work to do! There were times in the midst of the divorce I had to just not think about it and do the next best thing, whatever that was.
(((((lillamy)))))