Originally Posted by
dshonwood 
I did try to make some Al Anon meetings in the beginning but got very discouraged as every meeting I could find was about 40 women over the age 55-70. Dont get me wrong they were very sweet and considerate, but i felt i could not relate to them and they could not relate to my generation as well. Hopefully I can find others in my area that can relate to my generation. (I am 42 and AGF is 36)
Go back. Open your eyes. Think about this a minute -- "you" (or me) "relating" and advising you is not such a smart idear is it? If we were so smart -- why would we be in this mess?
I have come to understand those older ladies (my Alanannies, as I call them) are pretty much God's Angels on Earth, and I really have to tell you that you would be wise to listen and heed what they tell you. They have been through this crap and more, and came out by God's Grace.
Unless you want to keep living in the crap you are in, of course. It is familiar after all, no?
========
Meanwhile, to answer your question -- the word for what you are experiencing is not really martyr, it is more like toilet paper. Let me tell you the story I tell my kids to explain . . . .
----------------------
A Bear and a Rabbit are out in the Spring eating berries. After awhile both had to take a dump. The Rabbit goes to edge of the woods and poops out his little poops. The Bear comes over and lets the crap fly. And then rants, "I hate the way this S**t sticks to my fur!" The Rabbit mentions that it does not stick to his fur. The Bear looks over at the Rabbit and says, "In that case you will not mind . . ." And the Bear grabs the Rabbit and uses the Rabbit as toilet paper . . .
---------------------
I would suggest you get back to Alanon and learn how to quit being the Rabbit.