Look. I totally get the loneliness. The isolation. The walls closing in because you feel so alone.
For stretches of my life, I had no friends. And when I did, I pushed them away. I had no one to talk to. No one to support me. I hated myself so I figured no one would want to be around me.
But at some point, you really do have to put yourself out there. For me, it's been AA. I made an effort to get to know people. Introduced myself, got numbers, and then called. All of this was so unnatural and uncomfortable but I did it anyway.
When I told people about my hip issues, I couldn't believe the amount of calls and texts I got. People were offering to pull strings at hospitals. To take me to lunch tomorrow. To visit me in the hospital. It feels amazing to feel wanted.
This is not an AA post. Just relaying my personal experience. So if that's not for you, find something at is. An intramural team. Some musicians to jam with. A book club. Something!
Recovery is uncomfortable. In order to succeed we have to do things that make us uncomfortable. The fact that you say you cannot relate to anyone means you aren't practicing. So you make a fool of yourself in front of someone. Worst case scenario? You don't talk to them again. It's not like you're talking to them now, so what's the difference?
I'm really not trying to be hard on you. I just know in my heart you have it in you to break out of this prison you're confining yourself to. Take what's yours. You DESERVE to have friends who care about you.
SR is such a great resource, but the internet can never be a substitute for the need for face to face human interaction we have evolved over thousands of years.
I believe in you.