Hi Toomutch, I have been reading your recent posts and really feel an affinity with you in many ways even though I have had far less experience with sobriety than you. I think you are very brave and strong to be confronting your relapse as quickly as you are and reaching out for help as you have.
I must admit, though, when I read this post, I shuddered. Simply because I did something very, very similar in the past and it did not work out at all for me. I met someone in a bar and after a very short time, moved in with him despite my better instincts and the advice of friends and family. I was still drinking then but actively trying to stop. I asked for his help and support, which he initially gave, but as I struggled, he began to use each slip and each admission of weakness and fear on my part to gain control. He would *say* he was supportive but after more and more time passed, he slowly became more derogatory, controlling, and, eventually, downright nasty towards me. Mind you, I didn't help matters by getting drunk and careening between being angry and playing the victim myself.
However, he also managed to get me to turn over a lot of my possessions and financial responsibilities to him. In the end, I was left with nothing and totally reliant on this individual who was "helping me."
I managed to leave but not after having lost basically everything I owned and being in a position of extreme dependence that made me think I couldn't ever leave...it was horrible and the first and, I hope, the last time I ever get in a situation like that again.
I couldn't really see it when I was going through it but when I read your post, it immediately reminded me of how my ex started to behave after a little while.
DO NOT hand over your control to this man. I am not saying he is like my ex but he should be doing everything to help you right now, including supporting you in maintaining your independence in this relationship. Passive-aggressive behavior and encouraging you to rely on him is not, to my mind, a good method of support. Yes, you have to own your part in getting drunk and attacking him but no matter what (no matter what!), you should not be handing over control to him. Of you or your finances. I get the repossession thing but just be careful...very careful.
I'm sorry if I overstepped a little---or more than a little-- in this post but I really want to see you succeed here and stay sober.
Big hugs and lots of good wishes to you tonight!