I'm sitting here, eating my hoagie in tears.
My hips are dead. There is no more blood flow. They have already collapsed. I'm already in the final stage. It's from the alcohol.
I am 31 and will need a double hip replacement. I don't have to get it now. Just when the pain gets unbearable.
I hate that I did this to myself. That I ravaged my body with poison. I have no one or thing to blame right now.
The doctor tried to be upbeat. How I'm not going to die or anything. We talked about the surgery.
I called my sponsor and he talked me down. Told me we have to deal with our consequences. It's part of a sober lifestyle.
I called my mom and quickly told her. She didn't have time to really talk. I'm sure she's as crushed as me. Having to watch me die and then go through rehab. And now this.
I'm going to a meeting soon and then another. I will not drink today.
But I can't stop crying.