I would like to chime in also b/c I am "Dating" an addict. And I can hear you all growing and nashing your teeth at my saying "RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!"
And you are right.
The 1st month we dated - he was clear over 140 days clean. And he was delightful. Really in tune w/ himself, his emotions. Had a great program was working it. And seemed to be clear headed and more so that most non-addict boyfriends I have dated.
The 2nd month we dated - he fell off the wagon HARD. He brought me down in ways I can only say were catastrophic. And I too felt and still feel like I am loosing my freaking mind. I sometimes feel like I am being terrorized by the fear that everytime he texts, or calls, or we see each other, I am going to looking for signs he is using. And that I can't control my emotions for ANYTHING not just him anymore.
So the 3rd month we are dating - the distance sets in. And the anger of what this thing has done to me has set in. And I am seeing a doctor for depression (history of) and pain.
The truth is though - what this has taught me is this -I am first and foremost an ADDICT myself - to my drug of choice and to codependant relationships. I am control freak. I want to control his recovery and it sucks for him and for me.
I have learned these lessons the hard way and in a very acutely painful way.
Are we still dating? He is in control of that - and that is what most scares me right now. Its all in his addicted hands now. I have detached. And that is what most amazes me. How little I really care about what he does and yet what he does still drives so many emotions of mine. (IT IS CRAZY MAKING I TELL YOU!!!!)