So for anybody that doesn't know i work as a pole dancer. In the last year this job has really been whats turned me from a heavy drinker to somebody who has completely lost control of drinking as alcohol and drugs are readily available and are considered normal confidence props in a job like mine. So this time round im determined to be sober, i'm determined that my slip the other day was my last but im just terribly nervous.
Firstly, im nervous about working without drink. This is strange as im actually a lot more successful at work without it and often i earn no money when im staggering around stupefied and talking ****, but its that confidence illusion that i miss. Also without alcohol in my system i have terrible approach anxiety with customers and my colleagues, they are so used to seeing me drunk they think im a completely different person sober.
Secondly, im nervous about facing everyone after the other night. When im regularly on the booze im not overly embarrassing, so i have no idea how i could do twelve days sober and be so drunk and give the most embarrassing performance ever. I know im going to have to go in work tonight and every bodies going to be thinking the same thing. That i can't control my drinking and just think what a pratt of myself I've made.
Thirdly, im most scared that my nerves will get the better of me. Its a big night in terms of football, everybody around me will be drunk. It will be temptations everywhere. Im worried i'll get so nervous and i'll decide to have a little dutch courage, which im finally learning turns into an epic bender for me every time and theres no such thing as one cheeky glass for me.
I know the obvious solution is to find another job, but that isn't something i want to do, its good money and i need it to pay all my postgraduate university degree fees, it doesn't interfere with my day and all the things i need to get done (well unless im bedridden with a hangover). Its going to be tough and im so nervous.
