Welcome Alongtimegone,
You got a lot of great responses here! When my A & I were going thru the worst, I would have my boundaries, he would step over them, I would back them up, he would step over. Finally to the point where I don't know where he started & I ended. I guess my point being is that when we set our boundaries, we need to think long & hard about what we will live with & accept or not. I know I had gotten very good at throwing the threats around, and never following thru with them. So now I make sure that when I state something, I mean it for me. When I told him I would not stay with him if he was actively using, this time I meant it, and he knew it. Because I would not live that way again. My sponsor had told me, when you say it when all is calm & you mean what you say, they know it.
Al-Anon has really helped me alot in learning how to start thinking about myself again. I am wishing you good results on your test.