Here are some of the things I do:
Breathe Just Breathe
Pray
Next Right Thing (what needs to be done - dishes, clothes, take a bath or whatever)
journal my fears
and
also read my past journal entries - reminding me of all the times my HP has helped me thru past difficulties
Read Al-Anon literature (one of my favs pg 131 ODAT in Al-Anon - we find out what we need to knwo when we need to know it) if somethings wrong my HP will let me know in the right time
de-stress stretching
Agreed to all of these. I also find that drinking a warm drink -- I like peppermint tea -- is meditative and relaxing, a ritual unto itself. It takes about ten minutes, I doctor mine with a little honey, and it is comforting to have something warm in my hands and warming my body when I am on the verge of spinning out.
In the longer term, I highly recommend getting a life.
No, seriously. I spent a lot of time in a panic worrying over my AH. My anxiety was through the roof. To manage the anxiety in a more long-term way, I starting seeing a therapist (about 3 years worth) and took meds for a short while. Both of these things helped. In addition, I exercise strenuously at least 3-5 times a week -- by doing something new I found out I love, biking, that I never would have done with my AH. I sleep like a rock and feel freer and stronger and have met so many good, healthy people with this new hobby. It's also something I can do with my kids, which is nice if you're a parent. Since I started exercising in a serious way, and taking my sleep schedule seriously, my moods have stabilized and I haven't had a touch of depression. The anxiety I have had has been situational and more than manageable.
My therapist recommended a few things when you're feeling really down and anxious: drink warm drinks, put on a large collared sweater, or wrap a blanket around your body. Wear soft slippers, comfortable clothing. Basically, give yourself a warm, extended hug. REALLY. And read books -- not screens, books. The eye movements are for whatever reason helpful for people who experience trauma (see EMDR).
What do you love to do? Can you do it outdoors? Can you find a way to build up your core self so that his actions, reactions, and non-actions won't affect you as much? Get in touch with nature (I know, I know, but seriously)? Find a way to love yourself?