Update
Just an update. I posted this in January, but didn't commit to a program until August. I'm currently 44 days clean, and working a program like my life depends on it (it does.) The fellowship of NA is what has made it possible for me, seeing and knowing that it can be done and learning from people in the rooms has made the past month and a half of my life the most enriching and fulfilling in a long, long time.
Thanks so much to everyone who responded, reached out and planted a seed of hope.
It's growing.