Since I've been given the news, I've gone through a wide range of emotions. I'm hurt that he did this without first discussing it with me since we had agreed to give it 30 days. I'm hurting because I have have loved this man deeply. We have been together almost 10 years. I'm hurt that he is casting me aside because he is so impatient with the process. I'm scared for the future. I will be 58 in a couple weeks and I left my job 5 years ago so we could travel and enjoy life. I have very limited resources for retirement.

He said he can't promise me that he will never drink and knows that since I no longer wish to live with the drinking that is why he filed for divorce. He added that if we decide to work things out we don't have to follow through...we can just set it all aside. I see his actions as being very manipulative. Who files for divorce and then throws out that kind of crumb?? I believe he is going the distance (by filing) as a last ditch effort to gain control, perhaps thinking that once I am faced with the reality of the divorce, I will reconsider and choose the comfortable life (with all the insanity that comes with with living with an alcoholic) over an uncertain future.

I am very sad that he decided our marriage was over but I also feel a sense of relief that he did what ultimately I would have found so hard to do when he does decide to have that first drink.......and he will. As difficult as it will be to make this life change, I know my heart wants peace far more than I want a security blanket. I'll be contacting my lawyer in the morning.