I wrote on our dry erase board: "Never argue with AW when she's been drinking, it's like wrestling with a pig, you both get dirty & the pig enjoys it". Yes, I caught hell for that too, but it's true in my case. Since then I try to live by that rule and avoid any discussions, especially when they get nasty as they have recently.
On the other side, do they really mean the things they say? Dandylion put it well, they will do anything to avoid taking blame for their actions. My AW hates herself for drinking so much that she begins fighting with me to try and drive me away so she can let the disease take her once and for all. I've learned this through therapy with many counselors both marriage & addition related. AW is in treatment, having trouble finding a babysitter so I can attend some meetings myself.
It's a disease unlike any other and don't take anything an alcoholic says to heart. Best of luck to you.
B