Dear Sunflower,
Thank you for sharing. It doesn't matter if you realized it at 2, 5, 20 years, what matters is you are on the path to ending the hurt and beginning to heal.
A lot of people on here recommended the book codependent no more. I finally caved and read it. It really is a good place to start.
The road won't be easy but it does get better, and it sounds like you have a made a choice to end the madness.
Keep posting =)