I was 35 before I found a path to lasting sobriety. I also felt the guilt and shame that you are experiencing. Fortunately for me the program of recovery that I work addresses that guilt and shame and gives us a solution to it other than going back out and drinking. I have learned over the past 12 years that we all make mistakes in life but the key is to learn from it and keep moving forward. If you have any interest in trying the program of recovery that has worked in dealing with my guilt and shame it is AA and the 12 Steps. I wish you the best and do hope you find a solution to your pain.