Another Not so new story
Hi everyone. I've been reading here for a very long time. Felt the need tonight to reach out. My story is very similar to others here. I am feeling overwhelmed. I have been with my A for 12 years. To admit its been that long is a bit shameful right now. We have a 10 year old who is the light of my life. Things were wonderful until the last 3 years or so. The late nights out at the bar with no phone call or concern for myself or our son. It progressed to waking me up in the middle of the night over stupid things. I have sleep issues anyway and cannot fall asleep after being awakened. I've gone through all the lies. every manipulation possible. There is a thread here about emotional abuse from the abusers point of view and mine could have written every word of that. I've left a few times over the years and he makes promises and sucks me back in.....and then treats me very poorly. In May he asked me to marry him. I agreed and was very very excited. Found the perfect ring and left the catalog there for him. It was untouched for a week, so I threw it away...A couple of days later he asked me where the catalog was. I didn't think he had been drinking when he asked me to be his wife, but looking back...he probably was. The whole...go away....no be with me.... I think now that he knew I was done and was desperate. There has been no talk of marriage since then. In fact ...this man that I live with hasn't hugged me or told me he loves me since that night in May. Here I am feeling like a total idiot. I have reached out to him and TRIED to discuss things but he doesn't participate. If I call him, he doesn't answer. If I text him, he yells at me for that. If I try face to face....he just says okay and walks away. So, since May, I have been a complete mess. I have cried and he tells me how unstable I am. So, anyway...Here I am. I have made one vow to myself...This man will never see me cry again. I hate that feeling. He is so cold and uncaring that I can't process it. I sleep with my son. My A sleeps on the couch...and that is fine with me. I still hurt, but I don't want to live this nightmare for one more single minute. I am lost, but I am doing my VERY best to process all this properly. I have never met anyone so cold in my life.