My XAW used to say/do some very cruel things, often with no recollection of it the next day. When I would give her words the power she wanted, it would hurt me deeply. When I stopped giving it power and looked inside myself, looked for the truth, it wouldn't hurt in the way she wanted. It still hurt because someone I loved was intentionally trying to hurt me and I learned, as Dandylion said, it was to protect her disease. And yes it is confusing loving an addict.