Thank you all so much. I cannot hear it enough that things will get better, that I didn't cause this. At this point, I have to keep hearing it from other people.
Believe it or not, I have been attending Al-Anon meetings regularly for 10 months. I know about the 3 C's, though I don't always think of them when I'm feeling so down. I got a sponsor on June 24th, and decided that would be my Al-Anon birthday. My ex and I broke up on July 23rd.
I guess the evidence points to me starting to change. I did. I had started to not argue with him. I had started not questioning his drinking. I had stopped looking for evidence. So, I guess he either hated being angry at someone so sweet and wonderful and nurturing to our son, or he felt I wasn't enabling him enough, or both or whatever. I guess it doesn't matter.
The breakup really set me back though. I am only just starting to forgive myself for not starting my serious recovery sooner. I keep having thoughts that if I had done it sooner, maybe we could have made it.
Also, I have been hesitant to take any legal steps to protect my son. I keep thinking that if my ex does get sober, I won't have to worry about it. However, I have never been able to trust him in 7 years. I see no reason why this year would be different, since it's his disease and not our relationship that causes the drinking. I am feeling motivated now to stick to a plan for these legal steps. Going to a free legal clinic on Monday.
Thank you all for your welcome and encouragement. One day I hope to give the same to others. <3