Thanks everyone for your concern. As she is s cop she refuses medical she tried AA once and felt horrible arresting people she helped in AA etc. I can't blame her I wouldnt either. Tough spot we put ourselves in. I know my battle isnt over but my livers condition and my son i think is honestly enough to keep me sober. Before when I'd stop it was "blah that hangover sucked I'm good for awhile" when i started it was ok I'm ready to drink again im still young I Want to have fun. Now if I think about alcohol its yea sure let's mess up your liver which you now know is bad and vomit bile while you feel your body begging you to die. I know theres a chance im not out of the woods ill always be an alcoholic hell i love it. But I love waking up to my little man's smile a lot more and want to see it for more that just a few more years.