Kialua

It has helped me immensely to identify these survival traits. I found how to work around them and not just be mad at myself for not being a "better" person.

I've shared before one of mine was lying when it was just as easy to tell the truth. My mind had been so conditioned to lying as a child, in hopes of escaping a beating and pleasing my dad, that I lied daily to everyone. As an adult I would find myself lying about the smallest things when it didn't matter one way or another. Honestly I think I could beat a lie detector test, it was just so second nature.

One example recently was my husband called to see if I had mailed a bill one morning. I hadn't gone out yet but was on track to be out in an hour. But I lied and said yes. He wouldn't have cared if it wasn't mailed yet, another hour would have been a fine answer, he was just reminding me. But I jumped to lying.

For a long time I wondered why I lied like that. After I attended some therapies I found the answer. I still find myself doing it, only occasionally, but now I can recognize it and deal with it positively instead of being disappointed with myself for lying.

Using the information found in ACoA can be healing or used as a crutch. I guess it's up to each person how they use it, healing or dependence.