Originally Posted by
ArcticSA 
The hangover I had on Saturday was the worst I have ever had and I think there was more to it than just a hangover, I think it was something in my core-being saying "Things are NOT OK in here"
I felt like my body was shutting down and that I was losing my mind. I read online forums about hangover anxiety and found the truest sentence ever "I just want to be out of this fake, scary world."
That is where I was that day. In a fake, scary world.
I don't know where to go from here, since I lost faith in myself. How am I suppose to talk myself out of myself??
This is my 4th day sober. What happens when I want to drink on Sat night and I feel good and I feel like ahhh no problem.
What do I do????
When is the lesson finally learned??
What finally tips the scales?
Welcome back ArticSA. A very responsible and gutsy move by you to bring all this out into the open on your behalf. We've all ignored the warnings of others in the past, just like you have. The difference between those that get sober and those that don't has to come from within...the warnings can help but as you now know very personally, none of it is worth a hill of beans until you admit that YOU are the one who has to change.
I highlighted your passage about the hangover and your feelings, and also your question about "what finally tips the scales" because that's what finally did it for me. I had gone in and out of attempts ad moderation, temporary sobriety etc, and then the last time around I felt just like you described. Laying in bed after a holiday week ( Christmas and New Years ) where I pretty much drank all day, every day for the entire time as I was off work the week in between the holidays. That next Monday I had a work meeting scheduled out of town and woke up knowing that there was something WRONG with me. Not just a regular hangover but something wrong with the core of my existence. I realized then and there that it HAD to stop. So far it's been OK, tough but SO much better.
I welcome you back and hope that this is the moment that finally tips the scales for you. Be honest, be humble, and ask ( and accept ) help when you need it.