Only you can stop this roller coaster - as you said we can advise you till next julaugust but if you can't see it and want it for yourself then none of us can make you do it.
I'm like you in the sense that advise is wasted on me a lot of the time - I have to see things for myself - no matter if 100 people tell me - if I can't see it then I can't see it lol I don't know why or what it's about or what I can do to change it but it certainly makes things harder than they need to be sometimes.
I hope you can stay away from drinking it sounds like its causing you problems. Have you got a plan? Have you anybody you can speak to?