Well that escalated quickly.
I guess I'm not surprised. I've been like this my whole life. I don't listen until I learn for myself.
My parents said "Don't ever smoke a cigarette, you can get addicted so easily" I said "pish...I won't get addicted, I just want one" Smoked 12 years before I quit.
My friends said "Don't date that guy, he's a loser" I said "Oh I can change him...a year later finally broke out of a very damaging relationship, alone and pregnant.
And then even positive things.They said"Selling a house is stressful and expensive" I said "Oh selling doesn't cost, it's too exciting to be really stressful"
Having more children even, "Oh you have no idea how your life will change, nothing will be the same" they said. "Not us" I said, "Another baby will just be an added bonus" HAHAHA
My point is, all of you supportive experienced people could've warned me until you were blue in the face, and I still wouldn't have listened.
Me on my anniversary in June "OH, I just had one glass of wine and it wasn't even worth it, I won't be drinking anymore!"
All of you guys "You shouldn't have done that""Not worth it" "Be careful!" etc etc etc.
On June 3rd I had one glass of wine, fast forward a little over 3 months later,and slowly but surely increasing my drinking, last Friday I had somewhere around 12-16 beers and did stupid, foolish things that I regret. I have gained 8 pounds back, my skin broke out in acne, my digestive system is in uproar, my heartburn is back, my face is puffy again, and I am out of shape, again.
I am so deeply dissapointed this happened. All of my hard work, gone. All of my lovely, lovely milestones, gone.
The hangover I had on Saturday was the worst I have ever had and I think there was more to it than just a hangover, I think it was something in my core-being saying "Things are NOT OK in here"
I felt like my body was shutting down and that I was losing my mind. I read online forums about hangover anxiety and found the truest sentence ever "I just want to be out of this fake, scary world."
That is where I was that day. In a fake, scary world.
I don't know where to go from here, since I lost faith in myself. How am I suppose to talk myself out of myself??
This is my 4th day sober. What happens when I want to drink on Sat night and I feel good and I feel like ahhh no problem.
What do I do????
When is the lesson finally learned??
What finally tips the scales?