Congrats, Grindilow! That's super exciting!!
firstandlast - Sometimes I feel like I am personally keeping diet coke in business. Also, diet sprite! I always have a case on hand at home. I figure there will be a time to cut down on that addiction later.
Originally Posted by
Renarde 
I have been thinking about, trying on, and trying to feel comfortable with the new identity of "person who does not drink alcohol." person who loves to party to person who is very healthy and has no harmful habits. I am trying to see this new identity as a positive thing. Person who has made a choice to be healthy. Person who believes alcohol is not a good thing to put in their body. Person who does not have a crutch. I am trying to not think of this as something awkward or shameful but as something to be proud of or admire. Something that actually makes me feel confident about myself in relating to the world.
Renarde, this really resonates with me. I really cultivated that whole "wild, fun party girl" identity for a long time. Ironically, almost all of my closest, dearest friends are not heavy drinkers or really drinkers at all (which I am really especially grateful for now, cutting out the drinking buddies was easy). I was always the instigator among my friends for excessive nights of partying, and I generally had the reaction from my friends "Oh you're popping open a beer at 11am, that's so cute and carefree" "Oh you're hungover again? Tell me what happened last night?!"
So now my life has been trying to do a total 180 for the past year now, and putting on that new identity of the healthy non-drinker, someone who meets life unmediated no matter what, has been one of the biggest hurdles for me. It's definitely one of the reasons I relapsed this summer. I still have a hard time not occasionally romanticizing my drinking life. But the truth is I was on my way, with haste, to an early death. I blew up my cute party girl spot by landing myself in the hospital and a psychiatric ward, and my drinking was no longer cute or fun, and I could no longer ignore the pain I was trying to drown out.
Anyways, that healthy non-drinker? That person is amazing. To have the strength to turn away from an incredibly dangerous and addictive substance that has had you in it's grips for years takes such courage and determination, it's hard to even fathom that anyone can accomplish it. But we do and we keep getting back up if we stumble. I was ashamed for most of this past year about my struggle with alcohol, but I don't think I am anymore. I'm proud that I am fighting it. I'm proud that I haven't given up. I'm proud of all of us.