Hi Tamerua, thanks for the reply. That is exactly what my therapist said yesterday. She said the only thing I did wrong was not react to the red flags sooner. Where I come from, being single at 28 is... less than ideal. It's sick that I think being married will validate me, but I've also been dealing with that in therapy too.
And like I said, he was so great in the beginning, I guess I didn't realise how much he actually drank and that it was his fault every time he acted like a creep.
He always turned everything around and afterwards would say I got cranky which made him angry. I seriously only ever got cranky because he would mock me endlessly when he drank too much. In front of his friends and family, in front of my friends, in public, in private, in front of strangers. It was mortifying. And the next day he would have no recollection. And be all apologetic.
I guess I wanted to believe that he is a good guy and that he was just stressed about work and money. He co-owns a company, but it's not doing very well at all. I so very badly wanted this to work out and to have a partner.
I have never dated an alcoholic before, but it has helped me learn that being respected is non-negotiable. So is having self-respect. I just wish I'd dumped him sooner!
The hardest thing for me is to understand why he didn't value me and why he treated me like that in the end. He says he cares about me, but I have seen no evidence of that in the past two months.