Grizz, its late but I know some very smart folks here at SR will be along to offer really good advice soon. I'm new too so I won't be much help.
I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone tonight and I care. Things can get better if you can find it deep within you to finally say adios to alcohol. There's help you can get. And if you accept it and get strong...you can be free of all this misery.
...and if you are sick, please get medical help right away.