What would you do?
Loaded question, but I'll take it on.
In my situation, I wasn't married. Nor did I have children with my AXGF. What I did during the scary times with her was gave her the benefit of the doubt, both out of love and out of fear of losing her. And my AXGF, being who she is, took advantage of that.
Knowing now what I know, I simply wouldn't get involved with an addict. If I was involved with someone that revealed herself to be an addict, I'd simply leave and that would be that. Being emotionally compromised isn't good for me under any circumstances.
Ultimatums only work if you back up the threat. And if addicts think they can get away with something, they'll get away with it. So you can make threats, you can posture, but unless you follow through, your threats are only words.
So, my advice for you, for tonight, is to make sure you get a good night's rest, that you have something good to eat tomorrow, and that you take it easy on yourself. Talking with your sponsor is a good idea. And my hope is members like AnvilHead, Cynical_One, Ann and Vale will pipe up and share their hard earned wisdom. Pay attention, keep an open mind, and pray for the strength and the clarity you will need if you're forced to do something you don't want to do.
Be safe, and keep us posted.
ZoSo