DragynLady

Okay. So, I gave my husband an ultimatum.

The exact words (I saved a copy of the letter I gave him):

"So this is how it stands. I won't be digging or hunting, but if I catch you hiding anything, stealing anything, or lying, that is it. I am done. I will ask you to leave, and (top part cut off because I suck at copying things.)"

I caught him hiding again. He thinks he got away with it, either that, or he's high. He has been snorting something. He's had the ***** all day, and has been sitting with the bathroom door wide open. I know, because I've been watching him. (Not on purpose, my desk happens to sit across from the bathroom.)

Tonight, though, he suddenly got shy. I went to the living room to ask him something, noticed he wasn't there. Saw the bathroom door was shut. I walked in, fully expecting to catch him. I did. He was putting his wallet back in his pocket. His standard MO is to crush the pill on the bathroom counter, roll up a dollar bill, and snort it. That's what he was doing the last time I caught him.

He went back to the back porch to smoke his pipe (tobacco pipe. He's either thrown away or hidden his weed pipe really well. I don't know which, I don't care.)

There is white residue on the counter.

So. I know he's snorted something. Supposedly he stopped the prescription he was abusing (I was standing there when he told the nurse, I didn't ask him to.) However, I don't know that he got rid of the pills themselves. He never throws any pill away, so I doubt it. He could be abusing any number of things, though. What it is really doesn't matter.

He's been so nice lately. Solicitous, doing the dishes without being asked. HE saw me just now knock over a pile (and knows how upset I get at that lately) and started cleaning up the living room.

Now, I figure it's probably nothing more than guilt. I can't even believe him when he's being kind anymore.

So I know what I need to do. What I have to do. I have to follow through with my threat, or that's all it is, and he knows that there are no consequences for his actions. Or do I wait for them to call from the long-term care place and hope they get him a bed soon? Six months, he'll be gone. Do I wait and see if they "fix" him? (I know, I know, they can't, he has to do the work) or do I just kick him out on his ass and relay a message when they call?

But... I don't know when. Now? Before bed? Tomorrow, after the girls are in school? Do I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling again?

I think I know what I want to do. I want to wait until tomorrow. I want to call my sponsor in the morning (it's too late now, she won't answer after 11). I need to eat something, because I haven't had dinner, and my appetite is shot but I need fuel since my stomach is growling. I need to get some rest; I was up until 3 AM last night reading a friend's manuscript. I need to have a clear head, when I'm not hurt, and he's not high on his own prescription pills.

And I need to pray. I don't know. What would you do?