Lommey, I am so sorry about the situation with your husband. That sounds totally bewildering. I am sending you a huge hug. Please don't drink - prove to him the kind of person you really are. Do anything but drink. Sit on SR all night if you need to. Sometimes when I feel vulnerable to the urge to drink I read the worst stories I can find on SR and remind myself where one drink goes for all of us. It's helped me get through some iffy moments. Let yourself cry - it's ok to cry and your feelings are completely understandable. We are all here for you!