My RAH said he was sorry a lot of times in his early recovery but I was so angry about the betrayl and lies that I didn't hear, or didn't want to hear, it. Not until I started working on my own recovery and he was well into his, did I start to even feel a little better about things.
At some point I asked him what step he was on (after he had made a "big" thing of making amends to his ex regarding their past) and I felt very hurt and angry that I didn't get my apology.
I finally got up the courage to tell him I was angry at him for not making me a priority in his recovery, and with teary eyes he said he regrets, every day, what he did and how things were between us when he was drinking, and that he can't afford to not think about how terrible it was during that time, so he doesn't feel the urge to go back. He also pointed out that he had said he was sorry quite a few times, which I realized was true.
Point being, until I was ready to hear it, and he was already living his amends (and continued to make them by being strong in his recovery everyday) was I ready to hear it and accept it.
I also acknowledged to him that there were no words he could have said to me (or ever say to me) that would make the bad times and lies and hurt any better. The only way to do that is to work a recovery program for myself and be supportive of his recovery and move forward.
When I think of the response I would have given to this, even a few short months ago, I feel blessed to hae so much LESS chaos in my life. My life is so much more peaceful, in huge part because of Al-anon and this board.