Winnie, I am so very sorry that you are in this deteriorating situation with your AH. If it is time to go, then it is time to go and God bless you.
I left my now XAH after 20 years of marriage a year ago on July 4th. I went very suddenly after his verbal abuse and cross addictions came to a head and I could stay not another minute.
Now, 14 months later, I am divorced, in my own new house, and moved. It is a joy to be on my own.
It will be very helpful for you to have one or more consultations with divorce attorneys before you go any further. Usually the consultations are free, and you can choose who you feel most comfortable with. Use your time to find out what your legal rights are, including possession of the house, selling it, and dividing stuff.
As to how I dismantled a house after 20 years? I chose what I wanted to have with me in my new life. I chose what made me happy. I chose what I had good memories of.
I did not take anything that reminded me of the destructive, anguish, pain of living with him. And I am happy with much much less and with peace instead.
So, if you will both have to leave the house, or if he will be staying, I'd say go through each room and think about what you cherish and what makes you happy and pick those things. Pack them or mark them to be moved.
If there are things that make you unhappy but can be sold, mark those, too. If he doesn't want them, you can sell them. What's left, treat like an estate sale and have someone come in, value them, and remove them.
Some people just walk away and leave it all behind. Possessions are easy to come by. Serenity is worth everything.
There is a new life ahead. For me, I just couldn't wrap my head around how peaceful it was when I first left him. No chaos, no yelling, no dysfunction. My time and my thoughts were mine.
My best to you,
ShootingStar1