The hardest weekend yet.
This weekend has been just plain misery in my drinking mind. Ive held it together for the sake of my friends and family but inside I have been screaming for that warm fuzzy buzz and escape from my ever racing mind. My anxiety has shot through the roof and i'm getting close to relapsing simply because I don't want to feel like this anymore and the feelings of impending doom and fear are just to much sometimes. I'm finding sober life hard at the moment and I cant believe that I have managed to get this far to 33 days and am feeling worst all the time?? Why!? I don't get it!??
Anyway i'm just being 100% honest and right now im still sober and that's good I guess, but im starting to think is it really worth being this unhappy forever? I have had periods of great positive feelings recently and when the darkness kicks in, its really hard. I cant get to the gym as my motivation is at 0% and all I can manage is to go to work (and that's only because I cant afford not to) Man I've had a rubbish few days. Filled with misery. Its times like this I wold actually prefer to still be drinking. Just being honest.