Hope is a candle that burns in my heart always, right next to the candle of love.
We never know who will find recovery or who won't, on either side of the street. I have seen the most hopeless of all addicts make it back and live a wonderful life giving back what was so freely given to him. And I have seen the finest of recovery lost in complacency and eventually relapse. Like life and death, we just don't have the power to know and it's probably just as well.
This is one reason we try not to tell people whether to stay or leave any relationship (except where abuse is involved or danger to children). What we do try to do is share some honesty about how addiction affected our own lives and how we overcame the pain and help others find healing too when they need it. We walk together here, there are no successes or failures, just friends who have shared the journey.
You tried, LMN, you gave it your all and you tried, not foolishly or through denial but with hope that maybe yours would be the marriage that survived and thrived. My addicted loved one is my son, but I tried for about 10 years before I finally threw in the towel of codependency and grabbed the lifeline of my own recovery. My son wasn't unique and neither was I, we just each needed recovery really really bad and as it turned out, I was the only one to reach out for help.
Life takes us to where we are supposed to go, sometimes it's a path filled with thorns, sometimes it's a path lined with flowers and nature and peace...but it's all part of the tapestry that makes up our lives and each section means something important that we need to experience. As an old gal I can tell you that I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, but I would not go back and change a day of it either because it all makes sense in the end and it brought me to a good place I would never have found without the journey I have taken.
So, like it or not, we are all walking with you. We help our wounded along and we cheer on those who are heading for new beginnings. We're an odd group, no two the same yet none unique, and we hurt together and laugh together and share cheesecake when we stop to rest.
So lace up your Nikes, girl, and walk with us, it's a lovely day and the geese are cheering us on from overhead. There is sunshine ahead and some wonderful twists and turns that will show us spectacular views when we arrive at that part of our journey. The only map is our hope, our dreams and our quest for peace and tranquility....and maybe a slice of cheesecake now and then.
Love you lots, LMN, you'll be okay. Now march!
