Originally Posted by
KeepinItReal 
I went to see my AH in jail last night. I was worried and upset that he was going to tell me he wanted to move back in.. and was mentally preparing myself to be strong. It didn't go that way. He told me that he put in the slip to the social workers in prison to set him up with a sober house when he left jail. He also said that Teen Challenge was a YES. He wants to go into it.
Honestly, I was shocked.
I don't talk to him on the phone. Just through letters. They are slow in the mail.
I want to be happy but still feel nervous.
This is a good thing and I should be thrilled but I guess i'm still worried about ME. Which is taking care of two children alone through this long haul. Did I subconsciously want him to want to come home? It's not what I wanted because I know it's not the best for him.. however, I miss him.
I know I have to order the codependency book.
Maybe i'm still thinking he's in lying mode. Maybe my guard is up too high. Either way, i'm happy and sad at the same time and it's a very hard to describe feeling. I'm really happy that he's going to be helping himself. I know this is the best thing for our family. Him moving home and then leaving again to do a program for 14 months would be disrupting the kids schedule and mine. Has anyone else experienced this? I sort of feel alone.
My mom really doesn't get it. She tells me "isn't there a way he can come and just guarantee he's not going to relapse again". I tell her, that it's just not like that. Maybe she's more codependent than I am.
I am thrilled, but still have my guard up.
Reading through your posts... YOU have been through a lot over the past couple of years. The ups and downs, and thinking it was improving then to have it crash again. That makes it hard to believe... your probably waiting for the next shoe to drop, and right now things are just in that state of " in between". My therapist told me to not try to control my feelings, don't suppress them, just allow myself to feel and usually at some point in my day, in a quiet time I would have clear thoughts and begin to understand, accept where I was at. Don't be too hard on yourself right now. As far as your mom goes, it sounds sort of like she may not have a full understanding of how addiction works, how it so strongly lingers and tries to resurface, and what he is doing is going away to learn how to change his overall life, get to the root of it all, and learn new skills that will benefit the whole family. What he is doing is something to be so proud of IMO.
Thanks for sharing your good news. He sounds like he is putting action behind words, its what everyone waits for.