I have been thinking over this some more and not only do I now feel guilty for sounding so selfish I have also reached a conclusion that perhaps my anger is really the words of anger I have been wanting to say to my ex but have restrained from doing so. I have protected him for so long. Even during the split and divorce I tailored my words. I knew how sick he was. I didn't want to lash out and cause more pain and guilt to whatever demon was feeding off his soul.
Has anyone else experienced this? Has anyone else experienced the final release of the floodgates?
There are so many memories I have, moments of craziness that I reflect back on and I get angry. I get angry that I was lied to and manipulated. I get angry that I was so trusting to believe each and every word. Now that he is in a "safe" place perhaps I subconsciously feel that I can truly express anger knowing that he will have a sounding board to process the words.