I sort of get the feeling that you are team his parents by what you said, they are up to date. Is that what you meant? Just me Im out of sync, not tough enough like they said?
no dear, not at all, i meant that now you have shared with them what is going on and they are up to date on the situation. you were worried about telling them, now you've done that, so that is one more thing you can let go and not burden yourself with.
addiction ain't for wussies. not that you ARE a wussy, but if it is your intent to stick this out for now and hope for the best, it will behoove you to toughen up a bit. part of the way we do that is with boundaries...where we define where WE end and the rest of the world begins...where WE end and where OUR partner begins....learn to define and label what is OURS and what is NOT.
how his parents reacted is THEIRS.
that your husband used on his first weekend home is HIS, except for how you feel about ANYONE using drugs in your home. and that your husband was FAR less than honest with you. i suspected coming home was HIS idea.....because i still hold to the fact that he KNEW there were drugs at home (whether it was valium or baby aspirin), he KNEW, and he HAD the gear. and instead of saying prior to even leaving the center that there were drugs/paraphanalia at home and could you please remove them, he did not. why? because he was protecting his addiction at ALL COSTS.
the other concept to wrap your brain around is that LOVE can't fix this. and you MIGHT have to let him go someday. or be dragged thru the nine circles of Hell. beat up and wore out. recovery is rarely a straight line....usually there are some stumbles and falls along the way. it's tough. not getting clean, but STAYING clean. every day, in every situation. actually my last husband got clean in 1985 and unless recently fell of the wagon now has 28 years clean. he got himself into rehab, came out and never looked back. so it IS Possible, but it's NOT probable in many cases.
believe in him? sure. but don't be FOOLED. more ACTION, less TALK. that's the key, people that are serious about recovery don't CHAT about it, don't sing their own praises or talk about what they PLAN to do, cuz they are too busy DOING IT. promises and oaths are meaningless.
you HAVE to look out for you first. meetings, therapist, good books, things that will help YOU. cuz ya didn't know at the time, but he silently signed you up for a marathon and it is best to do some practice laps!!!!