Originally Posted by
KeepinItReal 
BlueChair,
You were swung a curve ball. Even though I knew my husband used drugs (oxi's) I had no idea it was heroin until 8 months after I left him. This was due to his behavior. Wrong things he has done. He came clean to me when our son was less than a week old. He FINALLY asked for help. Still, it's been 3 years of recovery. Because of my husbands heavy drug use in his family, it was our decision he left out of state to go live with family. He did well, held a job, and we had great communication over the phone. He moved back as I run a family business in my area. It's great importance for me not to move (which I have guilt over and shouldn't). He did this for 1 year in another state and then came home. We went on a wonderful vacation to Disney and then he was locked up from legal issues from his past (after having a year sober) After that over the last two years he has had 1 year sober total. Six months sober, six months using, 6 months sober ... six months using and then his last time deciding to get all his legal issues over with and complete his time in jail to be done with it. I'm encouraging him to go to a 14 month program about an hour away because I know it's his life and forever on the line. If he comes home, and the same stressors keep happening, he will relapse and possibly die (or want to die). Not that the stressors are my fault. They are not. IT'S HIS INSIDE ISSUES. So no matter who, or what or when.. it's bound to happen unless dealt with and the addict comes to realize they need help on the inside. It's a complex and unique disease to all who have it. I'm really sorry your going through all this. I deal with the same sort of judgment. I get blamed for thing which I know are not my fault. Parents like to place blame, because they are blaming themselves everyday. They probably have a lot of guilt. I know I blame myself... but why is it my fault?? It's not rational. Best wishes!!
HIS INSIDE ISSUES - thats it exactly. That is why he relapsed in the first place after these years he was clean. He still had work to do on the INSIDE. At least that is what I think and the doctors seem to be saying, and he admits it too when he talks about it.
His parents do blame me for not being "perfect" and finding the drugs, and saying no I dont want you to come home, I guess after our talk I see they sort of blame me for not catching on sooner he was back to using, but they didnt catch it either and they were around. I guess we all feel guilt, and your right its not rational for you or me or any of us to feel that way. It is complex and so secretive a disease, like a snake you dont see it till its bitten you.
My husbands parents first arranged for him to go to a 30 day rehab, but long story they sent him straight to the hospital and wouldnt admit him after checking him over because he had this bad infection, not just strung out.
The doctor at the hospital said he needs more than 30 days with what he has been doing, so he is in 90, but his parents are saying with whats going on they dont think that will be enough, and I dont want him gone away but Id rather him stay 6 months or whatever than come home and fall back into it. His health is what is important and doing the INSIDE WORK like you said. Its brave of you both to be considering 14 months, but maybe in that time he can become who he needs to be on the inside for himself, you, and your kids. I hope so, you all deserve that.