Thank you for a look into my future.
I don't know what to tell you, but I'm here with you. I DO know what you/I SHOULD do. .. Walk Away. I can't -- yet.
As a mother I know I protect the kids, job #1. That means I don't keep exposing them to the hurt, the uncertainty, the drug yo yo anymore. Tear the bandaid off quickly, and go on with life without the A making it nuts, without the influence over my kids.
My cloudy judgement says: but they need THEIR father, yeah he's messed up, but he loves them, cares about them. .... he's really a good man, it's just the drugs that are the problem.
I come to SR and read. I see that it seems like most of the time the A just can't get clean and stay clean, but that little voice says "but your situation is different" and "he's not as bad as these other A's that you are reading about, it's just a little weed. .."
So I go back and read what I have written. Yikes! "just a little weed" my foot!
You can't leave, but you don't have to let him back into your life. Boy, it's easier to look at someone else's situation and know exactly what to do; man is it hard to do it for yourself.
(((((KeepinItReal)))))